Okay, so I’ve drinken/dranken/drunken a bit of wine today (it’s therapeutic for me, I’ve found… and I’m becoming a regular wine snob: the darker the cab/merlot the better!) and got the impulse/feeling to write a little update, since I’m such a slacker. Well, I should rethink that; I’m not a slacker so much as I am dreadfully busy. Writing, traveling, ritualizing, DJing, etc., etc… in my teenage years, I would have never imagined that life could GET so wretched busy! But it’s not all in vain. One thing I pride myself on is constantly doing spiritual work—and that comes under the guise of so many things, from giving a Tarot reading to simply smiling to a random somebody I pass on the street. Indeed, every aspect of life is one grand spiritual working, so it only follows that everything we DO has a spiritual effect. …or is it ‘affect’? (I’ve never quite known…)
Since you’re reading this (oooh), I should probably give some kind of personal update. I tend to shy away from these sorts of things because on one hand I feel reclusive about giving personal updates (and tend to save those for interviews, or time with friends). What’s new with me? Hmm… well, I suppose the ‘biggest’ thing is the release of my book SHADOW MAGICK COMPENDIUM. It should be available in stores by now (or, if not, it will be in a couple weeks. And I just ordered copies, so I’ll send out those pre-orders next week!). I can’t wait to hear feedback on this; it’s a fairly deep, yet accessible.

Otherwise, I’ve recently planned my big book tour (WA, OR, CO, MT), which will be so very nice. I’ve also just recently been interviewed by GOTHIC BEAUTY Magazine, so look for that feature in the next issue (I’m honoured!). Other than that, I’m trying to spend more time with friends and loved ones, as these things are vitally important. In a sense, I’ve been forced (though certainly not against my will) to see more family members lately: my grandpa died a couple weeks ago. I won’t get into the process, but I learned a LOT from it. he went very peacefully, and Estha and I helped guide his soul out of his body, as did his other loved ones.

Everyone should see Michael Moore’s SICKO documentary. America is such a fucked up Evil Empire in so many ways, it’s unbelievable. UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE FOR EVERYONE! Bloody hell, why is GENEROSITY so difficult in this world? ….GREED and FEAR are a POISON worse than any hemlock or arsenic.

People are asking how CONVERGENCE 14 in Tampa went. I would summarize it as one big unfortunate failure. Not only did the Convergence committee not communicate whatsoever with the vendors (note that Estha and Madeline/Datura and myself went there to vend our TWIGS & BREWS products, the current stock of which includes various soaps, lotions, teas, incense, bath salts, essential oils, and a plethora of other things—expect an update with product photos in the not-too-distant), and didn’t bother to tell us that, unlike Convergence 13 in Portland last year (which got around 3000 people), they were purposefully trying to keep this one small (getting a total of about 250 folks throughout). Had we known this, we would have never gone. Still, it was all for a reason and there were good aspects for sure—despite now being even more in debt (no, guys: being an author is NOT where all the money’s at! But that will change with time). So, Convergence 14 was awful this year, and we (and many other vendors) feel used and mistreated. Convergence COULD be an enormous event—something comparable even to Europe’s WAVE GOTIK TREFFIN—but they seem to not want this success. I think there is FAR too much arrogance and cruelty and mundanity within the Gothic community, that large gatherings are both necessary and healing. Gods know American Goths need feelings of community and kinship in particular.
Anyway—I DID get to meet some tres cool people, including the band AUDRA. What sweet, genuine, beautiful people they are! I absolutely adored meeting them.

On the last day of the event, I got news that one of my coworkers, Kolby, shot himself. I was a bit of a wreck, and it’s taken a while to process. Though I had only spoken with him a total of 3 hours, it was clear that he was hurting. I, and everyone he talked to (I am certain), tried to help him the best we could—to put his issues in perspective and remind him of his abilities and beauty. He had so many plans, but his issues of obsession and feelings of worthlessness consumed him in the end. Now, I understand and can even respect FREE WILL, but from my perspective, more often than not, suicide is a permanent solution to temporary issues. And, because Reality works in cycles, it only makes sense that the soul of the one who ‘clocked out early’ is bound to repeat, in some form, the challenges that consumed them. If lessons are not confronted and learned—even the most difficult, soul-devouring, and seemingly unfair experiences within this Reality—they will be replayed in some form. EXISTENCE IS A LEARNING PROCESS. Like ENIGMA/Creteau said, “We came out from the deep, To learn to love, to learn how to live. We came out from the deep, To avoid the mistakes we made. That’s why we are here. We came out from the deep, To help and understand, but not to kill. It takes many lives till we succeed, To clear the debts of many hundred years, That’s why we are here…”

THIS IS THE SUMMER OF DEATH. It is all around us. It is happening more frequently than I have ever seen it. It’s not just for me, and it’s not restricted to the human realm. Tons of people and animals are leaving this plane of existence. It seems dreadfully and curiously ominous. I simply don’t know what to make of it. what do you all think? Most deaths have always occurred in either Winter or Autumn, but this summer…? What global Changes are nigh? Why is this happening? I can’t come to a conclusion.

I should get some new contact lenses. O______o

If anyone wants to download the (legal) bootleg of the SMASHING PUMPKINS live show (Viper Room, LA) that holds so much nostalgia and beauty for me, I recently found it posted here… thank the Muses! I’ve been looking for this for 10 years …

http://www.rspaa.org/rspaa/Live/1998-01-15%20Viper%20Room;%20Los%20Angeles,%20CA,%20US/

In other news, THANK YOU all for complimenting my BIHAWK. I’m glad you like it! Estha did an amazing job at it, and I’m really loving the new hair. It’s so much fun, and my bald-ish-ness looks much more suiting than I would have imagined =)

BTW, I am one busy birdie, so please forgive my occasional email-reclusion/neglection.
Also keep in mind the Services (such as Tarot and spiritual counseling) that Estha and myself offer. Information is available here: www.ravendigitalis.com/services

For now, bonsoir and *EVER SEEK JOY*. Eternal blessings of the Gods, sweet friends!
Hail Djehuti!

~O.R.D.N.~ xx

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